There is an
aphorism, "Knowledge is bondage." Isn't it true? Doesn't what we know
often get in the way of our essential wisdom? Don't we often know
something, but not put it into practice in our lives? If we put
knowledge into practice and pay attention to what happens, we can
develop our own approaches for living that move us closer to meeting our
top values.
Live-withs
are the primary reason people move towards and remain
within a life that includes their top values. You can
have this benefit also. You can conquer your challenges, find your path
and live with your top values, without even thinking about it. But
live-withs can work this way only if you do them consciously as part of
a discipline that keeps you focused on what is right for you.
When you
practice a live-with, try it for a week. You can do them for a longer or
shorter time, but you'll get more benefit if you take enough time to try
them out. After you have some experiences with a live-with, write a page
or so reflecting on what happened.
You can
decide whether you want to do this, but we've learned that writing about
your experiences increases what you learn from them.
Even telling someone else about them helps. Whether you write or talk or
both, you will benefit from feedback. This feedback is essential, no
matter what its form, because it helps you celebrate your experience,
correct course and get ready for the next live-with.
It's this
cycle - of acknowledging and learning about your challenge, consciously
living with a live-with that relates to it, reflecting and writing about
your experience, and sharing with someone else who can give you
feedback - that will move you toward living with your top values.
Take, for
instance, the live-with Go Beyond Passion and Success. If you practice
the implied live-with in your life in your own way, reflect on your
experience and get feedback from someone else, you will begin a new
approach to life - from the perspective of your top values rather than
the sub-optimizing that is suggested by our culture.
We have a
tendency in Western cultures to expect results on even the biggest
challenge immediately or, if not then, shortly thereafter. We look for a
magic pill that will cure all of our ills. But moving toward the top
values is a long-term process-filled with tests and glorious moments, to
be sure, but still a long haul.
So don't
worry whether you are doing a live-with "correctly." Just experiment and
see what works for you. This is a way of life in which little things
count. Take every opportunity to notice your blessings when they occur.
As they say, "Little steps make big feats."
Getting the
Most out of Life-Withs: Whether
it's a live-with, a new approach to a problem, or just a notable
experience, work at making it your own. For the live-with Pay Attention,
for instance, some people go to a spot in nature and pay attention to
everything they see. Others make a list of all the things they should be
paying attention to (but normally don't) and work through that list.
Some concentrate on listening. Others find it helpful to try specific
exercises we suggest in the course.
People take
an amazing variety of approaches to exploring and learning from each
live-with. More important than your approach, however, is the resolution
with which you continue the process. You must have faith and stay with
what works. When you try something new, it may not seem successful, but
challenge yourself and try to experience your approach consistently. You
will make steps forward whether you realize it in the moment or not.
This
process is experiential, not intellectual. When you do these live-withs,
you are in an experiential mode that can move you further than you
thought possible. Which is not to say you lose your intellectual
capabilities; on the contrary, you strengthen them by giving them more
to work with. You simply quit allowing them to prevent you from
experiencing life.
The deeper
you go in experiencing each live-with, the more you will get out of it.
At a minimum you can reflect on what you did, what the experience was
like, how it felt and what the results were. But you can go deeper by
getting into a flow, experimenting with something different and
incorporating it into your life moment by moment so it eventually
becomes more natural. And then you can go even deeper by contemplating
what you've experienced, looking for insights, determining how to apply
the lessons of the live-with to your challenges, and looking for
implications for your journey to living your top value.
Labeling
experiences as good or bad can get in the way of benefiting from
the live-with. Even when you can't break that pattern, however, you can
get something-often a lot-out of a live-with if you keep reflecting on
it. If you take the time to write your reflection, you'll get even more.
At least ten percent of the feedback we get from clients tart out with
something like: "This was a terrible week to live with Do Only What You
Love, Love Everything You Do. I didn't have a good experience at all."
As clients continue to reflect, however, they often write something very
moving. In the end, even they conclude, "Well, I guess I did get
something out of that after all."
As you do
live-withs and experience them in your life, skip the labeling stage and
go directly to simply observing what is happening to you, moment by
moment. Know that there are no good or bad experiences, only experiences
you learn from and those you don't learn from because you are busy
labeling them.
Click here
for a list of live-withs we and our clients have used throughout
the years for various purposes.
