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Effective courses for boosting self-esteem include increasing
positive activities,
improving social skills, and self-control therapy (which involves
self-reinforcement, problem-solving skills, relaxation, stopping negative
thoughts and setting realistic goals).
One of the main ways to boost self-esteem is to realize, from the way
self-images
are formed, that they are not 'right' - not objective. Many
components of your self-image could be false. If your parents had
unrealistic ambitions for you to be a concert pianist and so set too
high a standard for your childhood piano-playing performances, you
probably think of yourself as a poor piano player even if you really
are quite good.
You may avoid playing in adult life, so experiences that could
counteract this negative self-image never happen. You may even
generalize from 'poor piano player' to 'poor at most things'. Or, if
in childhood, you compared your performance with an older sibling,
not allowing for age differences, a similarly unrealistic and
negative self-image may have resulted.
The second lesson is that the more negative your self image, the
more likely it is to be mistaken. We tend to see ourselves in a
distorting mirror. It is important to keep reminding yourself of
these truths but you can do more than just 'thinking positive' to
manage the impressions you have of yourself. This is because the way
you behave is not only affected by what you believe about yourself,
but what you believe affects the way you behave.
Any good actor or actress knows this: if you start to behave as
if you are angry - shouting, speaking quickly, glaring and
gesticulating - it is quite easy to start to feel angry. If you
start weeping, you soon feel quite sad. Similarly, if you start to
speak authoritatively - slowly, in measured tone and slightly deeper
voice than usual - generally you soon stop feeling like a trapped
rabbit and start to feel in control. Regulating your behavior is, in
many situations, easier than trying to directly regulate your
thoughts and feelings. This is one reason an assertiveness course
can be extremely helpful.
What are the top things you can you do for
yourself? Research into illness-prone coping styles found that
people high in "psychological hardiness" (also called emotional
resilience) are more resistant to life stressors, cope better, and
are therefore less susceptible to stress-related illness. Here are
the most beneficial tendencies they pinpointed:
1. Harbor less pessimism and more
optimism.
2. Summon more positive fight and challenge.
3. Retain a feeling of
control: do something!
4. Anchor meaning and value to your struggle.
5. Get physical.The bottom line is
that people who like and accept themselves feel good about life in
general: happy people have high self-esteem. I happen to think
that it is much more fun to form the intention to be happy than to
work hard on building self-esteem, however worthy that may be.
Furthermore, self-esteem also needs to be kept in context –
Hitler and Stalin probably had high self esteem but would hardly
be called good role models. Self esteem needs its partners,
character traits deserving of esteem such as integrity.
Finally,
bear in mind that true self-esteem comes from what we give, not
from what we take. We build esteem by adding, not by
subtracting.
For Quick Tips on Improving Self-Esteem
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"MWS Self-Esteem Quick Tips"
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